His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
