if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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