I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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