So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
His nipple licking is glorious
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