There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
