Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
