i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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