my soul wont recognize me after tonight
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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