I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
