The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
