I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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