The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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