i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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