He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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