we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
