I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I want to have your abortion
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have aggressive nipples.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
