At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
