capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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