you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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