Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
