I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I need a burrito and a hug.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
