I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
