So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
