if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
