:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
