chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
