There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
