my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
