I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
