I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
