i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
