Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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