do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
