You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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