Where did you get a picture of my penis
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
