The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize