Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize