I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize