I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
