DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
