Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
