Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
