what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
