Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
