mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
