i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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