Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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