So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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