how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
