Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
