Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
