I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
