I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
