drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
