when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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