You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize