Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
