I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
third nipple confirmed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
