Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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