i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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