I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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