I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
