So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
