Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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