Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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