he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
