So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
