we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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