yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
