dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
