I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
