I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
