I skipped work to stalk him.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
