threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
